I can choose what I do

I spent a couple of hours thinking about me and true likes and dislikes and face up to a few facts.

Among those things was the realization I will never be a true hardcore mountain man, or spend days hanging out in art studios, or ever be admired for my cutting edge wardrobe. I do however love really good steak, adore toilet humour and don’t understand the attraction of Oprah.

I was talking with a friend today and he asked if placing these limits on myself is somehow preordaining my future. He’s clear there is a wide world out there with so much to offer. I know that, I’ve explored a decent amount of it over the years. I’m sure it’s not that I’m too small minded to take advantage of what the world has to offer.

This conversation was with a man who is leaving on a bicycle ride to Washington in couple of weeks. That’s Washington DC, and he lives in Seattle today. I can conceive of doing this, but actually making the commitment, quitting work and leaving my safety blankets behind is all but impossible to actually conceive.

In many ways, I wish it were different but accept this is part of who I am. I am Dave and working out what I don’t love, however much I wished I did, is every bit as important as knowing what I do have a passion for.

Dad once told me that something along the lines of “I can choose what I do, but I can’t choose what I like”. I’m getting that the differentiation between “what I do” and “like to do” is incredibly important.

I enjoy going out into the mountains, in the past I’ve walked portions of the Appalachian Trail, spent days backpacking across the Swiss Alps and English Lake District with friends. I enjoyed it, but the true passion was missing. I saw it in my friends as they stared off at the next ridge, but it was missing from me. Yeah that made me a little sad at the time.

On the flip side was Rallying; a friend who wanted company on a Saturday night out introduced me to motorsports on a small road rally. I loved every second of it, maps, competition and a wonderful welcoming group. 25 years later I still have the same passion for motorsports that I had that first night. That’s never waned in a quarter of a century.

My friend would like a career; he’d certainly like a more regular pay cheque, but has things he likes more. Getting back from a couple of weeks riding around New Mexico dodging thunderstorms on his bike was cleansing for him. In that time I spent time in Seattle, London, France and tending to my rather ill father. He felt riding up hills in New Mexico was a better deal than having dinner on the South Bank of the Thames looking at the palace of St James.

I have a few other things that deep down I wished had ignited a passion in me the way cycling does for Roger and rallying does for me. Dad was right, it doesn’t matter what I wish I were like. I am who I am.

I am Dave and I’m getting more and more comfortable with that idea.