The flaw may be me, but it’s not my age

Last year was a milestone birthday and a couple of weeks ago I turned over another year. Add loosing grandparents, parents, cancer and so on, getting old is rather in my face right now.

I think I am increasingly secure the idea that being older is a great deal more satisfying than being younger. Ten minutes on Google shows this is a rather well supported theory with opinion and scientific pieces by the dozen.

In what was admittedly a rather cursory read if articles after a couple of G&T’s in an airline lounge shows that evidence points to happiness tending to reach its lowest point in your mid to late thirties and then consistently improves into your 60’s. At which point the happiness quotient seems to be rather constant.

Personal experience seems to support this. My ambition is realistic, my current job is hard work, but ultimately I’ve proven in can do it in the past and its now about professional pride rather than career growth.

I think my expectation are realistic, happiness and fulfillment come from with in. It’s taken me a long time to stop listening as closely to the external influences that were there previously and have a real look at what I want and what makes me happy.

It’s been a time of learning experiences, some rather costly, but ultimately all lessons in what to do, or not do as the case may be.

This certainly chimes with my experience, since I had a total breakdown in my early thirties, partly as a result of my own ambition and unrealistic expectations about what life could be. Now, at the age of 41, I am more realistic – and that is one of the reasons why I am far happier.

Of course looking back at the Dave of 15 years ago I genuinely believed I had the world at my feet waiting for me. I know that’s not he case and it seems somewhat bewildering that I believed that. But here I am overweight, bad back, aching knees and considerably closer to death, yet I claim to be on my way to being happier than ever. I’m not there yet, but I think I’ve got an outline road map for how to get there.

We live in a society obsessed by appearances, aging means misery and this leads to occasionally pathetic attempts to hold onto youth, as you get older and mature.

My friend Carl said that at work the expectations for his work (getting on with it, not needing to be creative or innovate, just get it done) have finally come down to his level of competence and it’s his moment to shine.

Among my peers the same thing has happened. One of the bonuses of being and engineer in my 40’s is that my peers pretty much all look about as crappy as I do. Typically engineers are not exactly a role model for health and vitality, but in a rather vicarious was I feel better because of that.

For a start, I have a far better idea of who I am, experience has shown what’s made me happy or fulfilled in the past know who you are. I know that at 25 or 30 I was not a fully formed human being. By the time I was 40 I had realized I was not special, I am ordinary and happy with that.

A large part of my personal roadmap to self-belief and happiness is the realization that no one really cares how I see myself. The difference is, when you’re older you don’t mind and I like this.

While Googling I found a great quote from Eric Hoffer: “To grow old is to grow common. Old age equalises – we are aware that what is happening to us has happened to untold numbers from the beginning of time.”