I’ve been on the receiving end of some rather malicious gossip recently and internet trolling. It’s been an experience, interestingly calling the troll out has largely made her go away. The troll not been visiting nearly as much in the last week, but Jeanette did drop by today. I hope she is having a good weekend in Spokane.
One thing that’s changed since I called people out is that a couple of visitors are trying to cover their tracks over the last couple of weeks. Surfing on their phones and going through proxy’s. It’s almost like they have something to hide. That could not be it could it?
Earlier this week I had a very interesting conversation about the anonymous comments and the reasons for people gossiping (for want of a better phrase). According to a psychologist friend the real reason is the feeling of superiority that comes from spreading such vicious nuggets. The person spreading (the Troll) feels superior not only because they feel that they have something that others don’t, and knowledge really can feel enabling. But also the troll also feels they are a far better person that the subject.
The Oxford Dictionary defines gossip as “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true”
I’m not a psychologist and don’t fully understand every point, but the gist of the conversation and reading I’ve done is that some people suffer from such a bad case of inferiority that they will do whatever it takes, including passing gossip around, to make themselves look better in front of others.
The idea is that they will then feel better about themselves. It’s not about revenge or helping others, it’s a about ego. It’s about sexed-up (to use the red top term) stories presented to a receptive audience in such a way to make the most impact and see if the snowball can be set in motion.
Over the last couple of years I’ve lost or compromised a lot of what I believed, and for that I am truly sorry.
I’ve already talked about what happened to me a couple of years ago. Neither parent or the woman looking after the kids during the day belived anything had happened. Yet here I sit two years later and the accusation resurfaced with Jeanette making accusations with information that could only have come from one person.
That moment two years ago drove a lot of anguish, a lot of compromise and a number of bad decisions. The thing I’d been most fearful of happened, I’d been told it never would, but it did and it changed the way in which I deal with some people in my life. There may be good reasons behind some of those changes, but ultimately they were not healthy and I own my actions and responses.
I’d like other people to do the same, but it seems washing hands and blaming others is perfectly acceptable for others, it seems rather hypocritical to me, but I’ve discovered that’s something all people seem to be capable of.
I have made mistakes. I’m truly sorry.
Today the going was hard, emotional and from that I understand where I changed too much, and what I need to take back to become the person I know I can be. I know its hard for other people too, I get that.
A lot of what I’ve said today is not new, but it’s my blog and I can repeat it if I want. I’ve been rather focused on what the change looks like. It’s time to stop living with my crisis of self belief, accept where I went wrong, do something about it and live in the way I was brought up to. With humour, with character and with belief in who I am.
I understand the situation today, with far more clarity than I had previously.
A friend recently said to me “Life isn’t enjoyable if your goal is to always be perfect. The best times we have are in our flawed moments.” You are right, thank you.
One thing I’ve discovered is that if you look, everyone has skeletons in their closet and has been guilty of wrong doing in one form of another.
The last few months have been a life changing experience for me, one again I stand behind every word of what I’ve had to say today.
And a big thank you to my friends and the community that’s built up around this blog and others I enjoy. It’s been incredible to have this outpouring of support. Thank you all.