The rain has stopped…

I’ve not been posting so much of what I’d call heavy stuff over the last few months, there are a couple of reasons for that that I’ll get to. This weekend has sealed a few things for me. I spent some time with very old and close friends, people who tell me how thing are and don’t sugarcoat the bad, or play down the good. I feel privileged to have so many great people that I call my friends.

It’s clear that over the last couple of years I’ve been dealing with one of those hugely important moments that happen in life every now and again. In dealing with it I’ve not always been at my best and at times I’ve been somewhat self-destructive. But today I stand with my head held high, stronger, better prepared and happier than I have been for a very, very long time.

Looking at the birth or death of anything significant in my life, I think it’s the moments that lead up to these crisis points are harder than the actual passing through. I’ve come to learn a lot about myself, one of the things that surprised me is the need for a certain level of security. This is something I’ve really never understood before now.

I know people who crave control, they manipulate and bend the world around them to their will and the control that results is only illusionary. It’s something people set up for themselves, but in the end what is it? In reality it is nothing.

There have been a lot of interesting discussions about people needing that feeling of control and there are a number of threads that really resonated. People who seek that feeling, have that need typical believe their wants are not more important, but more right. It’s an interesting distinction.

These people do not trust or even particularly enjoy being with those around them. This is coming from a couple of professionals that understand this stuff way better then me.

I know he moment when it all became real for me, when I knew I had to walk. I left, I gave up and I’m not proud of that, but looking back it was the right thing to do.

In the last year I’ve discovered I have the most wonderful friends in the world, and I mean that quite literally. I have a terrific family and an extended circle of friends that is just incredible. I feel so rich, fortunate and at times humbled to have the people in my life that I do.

I’ve worked hard to be the person they deserve, and am conscious of that every day. This week I got affirmation that the work I’ve put in is making a difference. There have been some telling and important conversations, we are only as strong as the people we chose to have in our lives, and I’ve never felt more sure and stronger than I do today.

It’s stopped raining; it’s taken time, emotions and scouring deep down inside. The work is not over, but it’s stopped raining and the sun is coming out. I love my life, today and tomorrow is spectacular.

I’ve been making a lot of notes and doing a lot of writing for myself over the last few months and I’ve been trying to distill it down to a few points.

• You can walk away from the things, it’s tough to do, but it can be for the best.
• Inspiration comes from the strangest places; I’ve learned not to dismiss anything.
• You get to start over, you live with the consequences and that’s part of the choice.
• Life becomes simpler: I’ve learned that if I downsize the overhead, I leave more time for what’s important.
• “Less can be more” suddenly makes sense.
• I know the people that supported me when I needed it and really value what they did for me last fall and over the winter.
• It’s now possible to really understand what’s truly important in life after all.
• Surrounding myself with professionals to do what they do best takes worry away and replaces it with confidence.
• The more distance I’ve put between today and yesterday the clearer my mind has become.
• Change is good, not just in moderation, but in big important ways too. It’s scary, but exhilarating.
• Challenge inevitably follows change, and again it’s exciting.
• Being stretched forced me to grow in new ways, make discoveries about how good it can be.
• I’m not going to be a new person, that’s not real, but I can be the best Dave I know how to be.
• Every morning I wake up excited about the possibilities of today and tomorrow.

As for the big news, I’ve been approached to write a book based on my site and experiences, this is incredibly exciting and was completely unexpected. With work it’s going to be a year before anything is ready, it’s not something ever expected to have the opportunity to do. I know from the feedback that a lot of what I’ve had to say here has hit home with people while that’s never been my aim, this blog is way too selfish for that, I feel very humbled and at the same time validated.

For everyone who reads this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It’s a community that’s helped and at times has been part of healing me. Thank you.