Today was a day with a number of positives. First I managed a few hours of work and went into the office for almost three hours this morning. That’s the most I’ve done in a week, and in the big scheme of things it’s not much and I took a two hour nap this afternoon, but I’ll take it.
Vision is getting better, good enough to drive today with out worry and another move in the right direction. Still a lot of pain, a little blood and there is a strange grinding sensation in my neck when ever I move my head to the right. There are a couple of other things on my list
Big doctors visit tomorrow, but that’s a full night of sleep away. One of the huge things I’ve got from this is I’m feeling more rested than at any time since I was a student. Full nights sleep and doing a really good job listening to my body, I need to start translating that to more energy during the day, but it’s a great start.
I received a lot of mail and comments today, mostly about yesterdays post and I’ll get to that in a moment. But one about my ex that claims to be from a very disgruntled other-half of some guy she met online. There was a lot of detail that I really don’t care about, drama I’m not interested in and I’ve no idea what to do other than laugh.
While we are in the subject I asked her to sign a piece of paper removing her as my beneficiary, this was before surgery last week and it was important to me. I should have done this a year ago and despite the urging of her lawyer, she refused to sign. My will and instructions are very clear and it’s not like her not signing it made any difference to my beneficiaries, it was just easier for everyone and another example of how she is. In the big scheme of things the lawyer stuff is number 5 or 6 on my list of big stuff going on right now.
It’s nice to be surrounded by professionals who just take care of my stuff for me.
One thing I know is life does not go to plan and an email that arrived in my inbox this morning grabbed my attention. Actually more than that got me, but one in particular made a great point today. She said when things go bad we have two choices, “We can jump down the well with the doom and gloom, or we can greave for the moment and then stand up and face the future with open eyes.”
I know which choice I made, and how I want to live my life. Like is so short, we get such a short time to experience all these wonderful moments that make it so special. When I read the email, I thought of the emotions, the sharing, friendships and moments that make this so special. I do feel very emotional right now, more than I have in years and that’s a good thing.
A second email that really stopped me in my tracks was this: “It seems to me that there is nothing really “challenging” about a disease. You are just a victim, and more to the point a passive one.” I’m still not sure how to answer this comment and I am trying to understand where it’s are coming from. I agree that going through something like this does not one make a kinder or wiser person and I’m not saying that it does. I’m saying it can lead, if you want it to, to a life that appreciates what is important. This is not about the event, it’s about how I respond to it and I find some consolation in that. It’s tough and once again, as I do every day, I stand by everything I’ve written.
Before I finish today I want to say a very big thank you. First to all those who found a moment to write or leave a comment. And Ben for yesterday, taking care of me and making sure I made it back home. I still don’t like the feeling of being unable to drive myself and reliant upon friends, but am very lucky that I can be.
