Where my energy comes from, and why I need it

There is only one way to describe the last week, brutal. It’s doing something I feel very passionate about, that I believe is important, but long days really beat me up.

One exercise I’ve been doing to help get through weeks like these has been spending ten minutes sitting somewhere quiet and thinking about what I want to be doing in the future, maybe a year, maybe five.

I’ve talked about mediation in and how it’s helps me in the past. It’s a very powerful tool in centering and focusing me. I’m trying not to get too “woo-woo” here, so stay with me.

Imagining my future has been an incredible tool in helping me deal with today and define what my tomorrow holds. I focus on what I really want for myself.. I focus on the function, not the “what can be” and that is so exciting, so energizing. It allows me to pull that energy from my future and use it to define the path to what I want.

And energy is exactly what I need right now. It really is a powerful tool.

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Yesterday was our second court date to finalize the divorce. It’s 23 months since I left her and every day since I filed for divorce she has made life as difficult as possible for everyone.

Twenty months ago her previous lawyer (I’ve heard a number of awesome stories behind that parting of the professional ways) said they wanted to negotiate a settlement. To this day no effort at mediation has been made. Actually, that’s not true, in August 2011 I got an email saying if we met we could negotiate. I replied saying I’ve not got the emotional or physical reserves to deal with her and if you have a settlement you know my attorneys contact details. Strangely, nothing was forthcoming.

I got a text back saying that clearly I wanted court and then added as some sort of threat all my details would become pubic. She is big on threats, she used them against her previous husband and has no issue threatening me. I’ve been told I’m going to be deported, bankrupted, go to prison and many others.

Last year she dropped a load of discovery on us as we were getting ready to mediate prior to the court date. That forced the court date to be cancelled.

In a court session last fall lawyers were outside the room talking. The subject of the sudden discovery came up and her lawyer just rolled her eyes and said “She insisted, and you can’t argue with her”. By the way, on that court date I got everything I wanted. I’ve had a lot of email and a conversations about what is going on with my ex, it’s a bizarre thing.

She then got a new lawyer. We’ve been asking to set a mediation date since January, this time we heard nothing. Her assistant told her lawyer was in mediation or in trial and would get back to us.

In Snohomish county you have to confirm the trial 14 days before the trial date. This means mediation has to have been tried and failed prior to that date.

We were unable to do that so the trial date is stricken. This week we finally got an email from my ex’s new lawyer, and it included a motion to postpone the trial a few weeks. That’s not how it works in Snohomish county so we are back at the start once again.

That’s twice now we’ve had a date on the books, and it’s twice now that my ex’s actions have forced us to cancel the dates. I don’t know if this is her making an error, not understanding the process or just wanting to show she has control. Ultimately she is going to have to explain herself and her actions to the court, and I look forward to being a spectator that day.

I left her and filed for a divorce for a reason, and her actions this week have shown they are as valid as ever.