How do they survive in the wild?

I spent 45 minutes on a flight sitting next to two women on their way to the Miss America pageant at the Planet Hollywood Casino in Las Vegas a couple of days ago. In all my years I have never heard a more vacuous conversation.

And I’m including socially climbing 6 years olds telling me about the hierarchy of the elementary school playground, their plan for domination while starting the conversation with “Us popular girls…”

I was sitting in my window seat when they boarded, huge over sized bags that would not fit in the overhead and both were wearing “Miss America” jackets a size or two too small. I’d say both were around 30 and with the fake tan to match the unbelievably white smile. Think of surgically enhanced, over made-up Oompa-loompas and you are getting close.

Then the conversations started… Fuck… How do these people survive in society?

They were talking about their kids and who was looking after them; Not-a-natural-blond said “you’d think their grand parents would be happy to see them for the weekend again…” The other replied “Oh yah, they should know they signed up for being grandparents the moment you were born…”

Awesome, more attentive parents who put their kids first…

Then it got worse – they opened up People magazine. For reasons too deep to go into here I think the so-called “celebrity” magazines have a lot to answer for in the world. Clearly I’m never going to appear in one, and I’m strangely OK with that.

First thing they stopped on was a piece about Kim Kardashian, one of the people famous for being famous. I’m not saying she contributes little to the world, I just don’t know enough to form a reasoned opinion.

So Ms Kardashin was always referred to by the witless sisters in the familiar “Kim”, and how she is (and this is a quote) “probably the most beautiful and complete person in the world”… I shit you not… “I’d love to hang out with her, I think we’d be BFF”.

The piece had a few photos of “Kim” hanging out at the new Cosmopolitan Hotel in Vegas, coincidently, our destination. They read the piece (out loud BTW) and said “O M G (and that was the letters, with a space between each one) Kim is going to the same clubs we’re going to!” They then squealed, and high-fived.

A few pages later there was a picture of the aforementioned “Kim” with rather full looking lips and speculation that she had collagen. Again there was a squeal, more disappointed than excited this time.

And Number11 said “O M G, I hope that’s a shellfish allergy and she’s not had collagen, she was so beautiful.”

We had not even taken off yet…